5 Life-Lessons My Mother Taught Me

My mother is my warrior. Notice I didn't say "hero." A hero is described as "a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities." That's all true - she is that. But, a mother is so much more. A mother goes to battle every day fighting for her children. When a woman is made into a mother, there is a fierceness ingrained in her that comes alive - it's like it was always there but now suddenly awake. My mother is a warrior and over the years, has taught me a great deal, most of which didn't come full-circle until I become a mother myself.

So, without further ado, here are 5 life lessons my mother taught me.

Make your bed every morning.

Now, I know there are two schools of thought on this, but my mom taught me that making your bed every morning provides one with a sense of accomplishment (easily attained) and can make the whole space feel clean and organized. If you’re like me, living in a mess or cluttered chaos just adds unnecessary stress. Sometimes simple habits of putting the dishes away and making your bed in the morning can help alleviate some of the unnecessary madness that’s already wreaking havoc in our household. Not to mention, this is a very simple and wonderful way to teach a young child responsibility. I taught both of my kids how to make their beds at the age of 4. I don’t enforce it on a daily basis, but try to encourage this behaviour routinely. Giving them that small responsibility gives them a chance to do something for themselves and practice independence, not to mention, it’s one less bed I have to make!

It may sound simple, but starting your day off with one simple accomplishment is a good foundation for the the rest of your day.   

Make it a great day.

My brother used to say on his voicemail “make it a great day!” and I just know he got that from our mom. There’s a huge difference between having a great day and making a great day. Having a great day is something we all say, but it really lets us off the hook from making sure our attitudes are in check. I always tell my children that you can’t control your circumstance, and you certainly can’t control others’ behaviors, but you can determine your attitude - every single time. Your attitude can make or break every moment of every day, shaping your entire outlook on life.

When you approach the idea of making it a great day, you’re making an effort to choose your attitude from the very start. This certainly doesn’t guarantee that everything is going to work out perfectly - in fact, having that expectation is going to set you up for some major disappointment. My mom used to always tell me “don’t have any expectations, then you won’t be disappointed.” She’s right. People will disappoint you. Life will disappoint you. You will probably even disappoint yourself from time to time. I think the best way to embrace the idea of making it a great day is to focus in on Philippians 4:8. Look up that verse and let me know what you think.

Learn to say no.

Ladies, this one right here is gold. It’s funny, because my mom wasn’t particularly good at this one, which is why this lesson has made such an impact in my life. She admitted that she would feel obligated to do things, or just didn’t have the courage to say “no.” She would get overcommitted by agreeing to help with this church event, lead this women’s group, teach at this homeschool convention, etc. etc. etc.  I think the reason this one is so hard is because sometimes we are saying “yes” to a good thing, so we don’t even ask ourselves if that “good” thing is the right thing for us to be doing now.

Are you a bible study leader, girl scout leader, and mom with a handful of kids who have their own commitments, who still has to do the laundry, cook and plan all the meals, make the lunches, and make time for your girls-night-out and date nights with your husband? And maybe you also work outside of the home? Perhaps you’re a single women with a full time career who also volunteers on the weekend. Do you find yourself tired and worn out feeling like you’re stretched too thin?

When are we finally going to put our foot down and say that something has to give. “NO” is your best friend. “NO” means I’m mature enough to recognize that my time is valuable and I am the only one responsible for protecting my time and making sure my life is well-balanced.

Think through your schedule. Make a list of the non-negotiables (parenting, jobs, etc.) and make a list of all the extra stuff. Where can you cut things? Are you kids doing too many activities? Does Johnny need to be in 3 different club sports? Does your toddler really need to take those mommy and me dance classes?

You MUST create boundaries for your family and stick to them. These may shift as your children get older, and as seasons of life change your day-to-day routine, your time and flexibility will also change. Sometimes “NO” just means “not right now.” Figure out your priorities and keep your family first. My mom always says “your family is your first ministry.”

Maybe you want to help out in your church’s music ministry or be on the PTO committee at school, but is the commitment putting a strain on the rest of your family? What else are you also committed to and do you have time to add one more thing? Have these conversations before committing to something and make these decisions as a family.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Busted. We all do it. Is it because we’re women and we have something to prove? I know I’m Super Woman, but why do I always feel the need to do everything on my own? Could it be that we’re slightly more controlling than we want to admit? When my first baby was born, he would cry when my husband would hold him. I would always get frustrated because I so wanted a break, but I just HAD to take the baby because I was the only one who knew how to hold him. Seriously? Looking back, it’s as if my reaction eluded to the fact that my husband was holding our son upside down and shaking him. He was not. Just because someone does something different doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

And...little secret...it’s okay to admit that you need help. In my career, I’ve learned that executive leadership is looking for individuals who are mature enough to look for other individuals to build their team so everyone can succeed. If I try to manage it all on my own, I’m not being realistic my time or talents, and I’m giving the impression that I’m not secure enough in allowing others to have responsibility. It takes courage and wisdom to ask for help. It shows maturity and character.

Do me a favor, try not waiting until you actually need help to ask for it. In most situations, by this time, we are totally worn out and desperate, and our “asking” can look like an epic tornado. Take some time to think through your responsibilities - at work and at home. Where do you feel like support would go a long way? Do you have some nights where you work late or have to drop off your kid at practice and making dinner for that one night is routinely a problem? There are other options. Have a conversation with your spouse about helping out with dinner that one night. Plan ahead and have a pre-made meal ready to pop in the oven when you get home. Crockpot anyone? Or there’s always take-out. Yes, I said it. You’re allowed to get take-out every once in awhile. It’s all about creating balance and being true to your needs. So go for it. I dare you.

The power of prayer

If you grew up with a praying parent, like me, you probably didn’t realize the significance until you got older. My mother is a true prayer warrior. She prayed fervently for her children. She prayed openly and out loud. She also woke up early  - before 5am - and always started out her day with prayer and time with God. I know she journaled a lot of her prayers as well. Over the years, when our family had gone through trying times, she would share prayers with me after the fact - things that God had answered. It has been amazing to have those conversations with her and see how God was and still is at work in the lives of those she prays for.

The power of a mother’s prayers will go a long way. Who loves your children more than you do? No one. You are their prayer warrior and you are fighting a battle against the darkness. As your babies grow, they are going to face more and more darkness without you to protect them. And who are we kidding? We have zero control over their lives.
So step aside, sister, and place those precious souls in the capable and loving hands of the Creator, God. Be your children’s, husband’s, friend’s warrior. Pray without ceasing. Pray like your life and their life depends on it. Pray out loud so that your children will hear who you put your faith and trust in. So they will know who has their backs.

James 5:16 says The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

Ephesians 6:18 -  Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.